SOMEONE TELL NIGERIANS.

By Gloria Mwaniga

I have something to tell them Nigerians and since 160 characters aren’t enough, I shall blog about it.(I  hope they are holding their ears and listening…)

Dear Nigerians ,it Looks like it’s not only  Okonkwo and the others elders who were treated badly in Umuofia in Nigeria. Even our boys  ‘Harambee Stars’  got some ‘bad bad’  treatment from you Oga’s .

So, you check them, our golden boys! into a 2 star hotel (this is where I snap my fingers and rotate them over my head to mean abomination in a Nollywood fashion).

 Whats  more ? You left them to eat yamfufu and bitter herbs and then, as if that is not enough, denied them training space and one Adel , our coach,  had to look  around,  and go beg a’ beg ooh  for a place to train in.

He got a little rural school i.e the back of a classroom in the despondent ‘Ajai Primary School’  (which, if the pictures on TV and online are true, it looks like Mukibi Educational Institute For the Sons of African Gentlemen, where Holy Moses Schooled. )

My troubles do not end there!

I have a deep suspicion with the name of  that School. AJAI PRIMARY SCHOOL And this is why. If you went to High school on the Mid 2000’s in Kenya, Then you studied an anthology of stories called ENCOUNTERS FROM AFRICA. You must have come across a story called ‘AJAYI AND THE WITCHDOCTOR’. This is a story of a man who was so poor that everyone believed that he had inherited the poverty from his father. So dear Naijas’ does this story have anything to do with the proximity of the hotel you checked our golden boys into? And your thoughts on our play tactics. Why in Ogubwefi’s name didn’t you take them to Calabar to warm up?

 

 

OUR YEARS OF JUBILEE.

Like you Know, Kenya is a Christian state. And what’s more, this is our year of Jubilee, so we are enjoying something called ‘favour’.  Shelve your assumptions that you will beat us automatically. That should explain why in the 11^th hour(read the 92^nd minute, you ponyoka’d with an erroneous goal. Arrrgggghhh! ) but our mboys showed you dust. And that is no palaver palaver.

A NEW COACH CALLED ADEL’

We do have a new coach called Adel Amrouche.  I heard him speak on the ‘JSO’ John Sibi Okumu show last week and you know what, you will never find someone like him. He sets fire to the rain and soon and very soon, we shall be packing them bags  and sending them off to Brazil-o’.

PACK WELL WHEN YOU COME TO KENYA.

As you know, revenge is a dish best served cold, and it’s a rather  cold and rainy season here in Kenya. So brethrens, don’t forget your  training boots because the ground at Matopeni primary school is rather wet and the elephant grass has sort of overgrown(of course we can lend you slashers if you want , we are generous , you Know..). Also, the madondo’s are ready, fermented and waiting to be served. And if you dare speak. One Mzalendo kibunja’s ears will be on the ground, listening out for hate speech.

 PS : There can never be extra time, run- offs or penalties. Ask Willy if you doubt me Oh’ !

Till then, we shall wait for you and forever perpetuate  our Nyayo philosophy of tweets , love and unity.

 

 

A Kenyan’s guide to the complex legal language; in Kenyanese.

By Gloria Mwaniga

Of law Jargon, complex language and the Kenyans on Twitter.

Achebe once rightfully said that Proverbs are the palm oil with which stories are eaten. That might be so in Nigeria, but in Kenya, legal jargon is the palm oil with which our long wait during elections has been broken.

One wouldn’t really blame us since we have had more than our fair share of politics. Live hearings , failed election equipment and a very complex election where, unlike before what we are used to, we had to vote for  six different positions.

Justice came to Kenya in the form of a studded former activist; his nose pinching assistant and recently a young, attractive and intelligent daughter of one Mutula kilonzo (is it any wonder he rears lions instead of dogs?)

Not only have we had to wait for  six days for presidential results to be announced (okay the figures on our  TV  screens were  constantly the same) but we have had to watch for days unending , as lawyers explained, in very complex terms, why the presidential petition had to be accepted or rejected.

Here are some terms that as a enyan, you need to write down:

1. 1.    Amicus

We were promptly invited into the courtrooms by one Amicus Curiae, aka Our chief justice.

He that is ‘a friend of the court’ sent many Kenyans on a wild word tour from whence the following new terminologies were created.

AMICUS SOTAE- A broke friend.

AMICUS WAIGANJO-A fake friend

AMICUS STRONGHOLDAE- A friend of TharaKa Nithi (remember waiting  for the votes from this stronghold to be counted?)

 

1. 2.     TYRANNT OF NUMBERS.

A couple of days ago, while watching the election petition, a friend casually remarked that as Kenyans we ought to accept the complex nature of the tyranny of numbers. Okay? So seer Mutahi Ngunyi (who I hear has suddenly developed wings since his exactly prediction a few weeks back) during a Solomonic moment, taught  us a new ‘voca’ that is spread across our political discourses like the proverbial beans in githeri.

Tyranny of numbers apparently means ; in a layman’s’ language , the domination of numbers.

1. JURISPRUDENCE .

This was another term commonly used in court. It means case studies from countries that have had similar rulings.(e.g if Zimbabweans have decided to use the biometric voter registration , they  could look at the Kenyan  jurisprudence). Get it?

1. Cordeshians.

  This is a name given to those supporting the Cord coalition. They are presently thought to be causing a lot of Ndrama nd Findeo in the Amicus Strongholdae of the Cord Coalition (just like the kardashians that they are named from.)

1. 5.     My Lords, My Lady / My Lady, My Lordship or (whoever comes first)

This was how those in court (with the obvious exception of Nazleen Omar) addressed the bench of judges. These were indeed Lords and Ladies since they managed to deliver a unanimous decision in a whooping three minutes. Huh?

1. 6.     Nyanza si Kenya.

This was a phrase made by a weeping Cordashian after the historic ruling of the Chief Justice.

1. 7.     Kethi Kilonzo aka youthful Trendifilova aka Amicus Afrocog-ae aka anythingelsekenyansarecallingher.

So, the young lass who put a consistent smile on the face of the Chief Justice(I promise I noticed it) has become something of an overnight celebrity. She has many face book pages opened in her honor;  Numerous  letters streaming into media houses asking for her hand(I advise such people to visit the kilonzo and kilonzo advocates – ps, it’s a  lion-guarded  law firm) .

 There are also others professing that she is surely the first Kenyan female Chief Justice (Okay, Kenyans please stop being so overly dramatic here).

So, there you have it dear reader….now you are a true wordsmith, And whats more?  you can become a friend of my blog: that will make you  my Amicus blogga-e or something like that. Right?  www.glominage.wordpress.com

 

Of David Maillu’s self Declared Brilliance and Begging Professor Chris Wanjala in the Literary Discourse Saturday Standard.

By Gloria Mwaniga Minage

I was having a rather good time in the little breezy town of Eldoret yesterday, eating well roasted nyama choma with my brothers in a nice little eatery  known as ‘Members’ and devouring with pleasurable interest  and a ticklish sensation, Phillip Ochieng’s ridiculous article in the Saturday Nation.

True to his nature, Ochieng’ was offering a free English lesson to some unfortunate  Standard newspaper writer who reported that a girl called Anita had emerged top in KCPE  in Busia County despite leading her former school in verse, drama and music.  Ochieng concluded that in using the word despite in that phrase , the statement opposed verse, drama and music and preferred more academic subjects. He suggested that the correct idiom to be used here was’ go against the grain’   which means to behave in a manner completely uncharacteristic of you.

I almost chocked over my delectable meal when a few pages later, I came across the Literary Discourse   piece written by the author David  Maillu who in my humble opinion, had definitely gone against the grain.

In this regrettable piece of literature, Maillu was up in arms against Professor Christ Wanjala for what he termed as ‘destructive criticism’. Apparently Wanjala had Sonkonised’ (compared Maillu’s work to Sonko’s behaviour) Maillu’s work in the previous edition of the Literary Discourse hence the tirade.

Well, maybe the criticism was destructive for sure, but I find the method used by Maillu to respond rather pitiable because;

Maillu’s response is rather like that of a wronged spouse who chooses to remember every wrong committed to them since their marriage thirty years back. He starts off by calling Wanjala a bizarre critic who since the early 70’s had posed as a friend but poured literary venom over the former’s work. This to me is a rather interesting phrase since any writer worth their salt wouldn’t take criticism from a friend as literary venom and they most certainly wouldn’t say a friend ‘poses’ as a friend just because they are open enough to let them know what they think of their literary works.

Don’t get me wrong , I am not  supporting Dr Wanjala. If anything, I am quite amused that  Maillu says  and I quote,  ‘while Wanjala was still a professor of literature , he begged to be my student  in creative writing , this was when Wanjala was dying to write a novel  but lacked the imagination on how to go about it; ‘ Maillu further says that ‘years after his coaching Wanjala, the latter came up with one ‘sadly grim novel called ‘ Drums of Death’.

 

 

 

To borrow from Stephen Derwent Partington words on the next page, maybe the two have some ‘personal beef following past run-ins and are just washing their extraordinarily dirty linen in public’. Whatever the case, instead of embarking on issue based arguments, like telling us the themes of his works and why he thinks they are relevant to Kenya in this point in time; Maillu glaringly tries to justify his works by stating that one of his books is highly appreciated in Rwanda hence he is being read the world over. He even goes ahead and lists some of his so called academic literary admirers like Professor Egara Kabaji, Evan Mwangi and quoting them referring to him (Maillu) as flamboyant, enigmatic, phychologist , philosopher etc.

Somewhere in the middle of the article, Maillu finally gets around to some of the major points he should have addressed at the beginning. He throws in a line on how if anyone has to progress, then reading culture has to be developed, fast and religiously. He correctly states that turning Kenya into a publishing powerhouse  could lead to job creation and even culture development; He even thanks the Nation newspaper for giving ‘them’ such a special and valuable forum.

The proudly self-taught man from standard eight, who says many publishers admire his brilliance, proclaims that, contrary to what Wanjala said, his 130 manuscripts haven’t been turned down but that that’s the number of unpublished manuscripts in his possession.

The uncreative response by the acclaimed writer painfully reminds me of the state of politics in our continent. Hollow, corrupt, violence filled, non –issue-based, tribal arguments that are witnessed even in this time and age.  Maillu, by choosing to attack back directly and digging up from the archives all the marvelous things that have been said about him in the past (e.g what Micere Mugo told him when she was still a Dean at the Nairobi University, quite a long time ago.) casts a shadow of doubt on his many fans, me included, on the astuteness of authors like himself.

The good writer should always keep in mind a famous Swahili proverb that says ‘Chema Chajiuza Kibbaya Chajitembeza.’

 

 

 

BANKING ON CHAUVINISM AT THE LIMURU GOLF CLUB:Of rich men and the games that they play.

Gloria Mwaniga

In his book ‘the 48 Laws of Power,’ Robert Green may have said ‘Seek attention at all costs’, but some members of the  Limuru Golfing Club took this quote too literally and too far.

Even with the new constitution offering opportunity for more women representation and the world teeming with lots of NGO’s promoting economic empowerment, equity and equality, a bunch of chauvinistic males somewhere in  the cold town of Limuru still hold onto the belief that ‘ a woman should only be seen and not heard’.

These merchants of discrimination, appearing in this time and age can best be described using Shakespeares’ words   ‘ they are untimely snow in mid- summer.’

The gentlemen or otherwise, decided to do an unsavory thing   by passing a bylaw barring women from seeking elective posts in the club.  As though that was not enough, they even suspended the women who protested from the club and its reciprocating clubs like Thika, Vet Lab and Railways Club.

If you thought admitting your form one child or sister into a secondary school was a difficult task then you should try joining a golf club. This rich men’s game is reserved for the high and mighty for the simple reason of providing great networks and feeling good. Some clubs will only admit you upon recommendation of some of their long outstanding members; your curriculum vitae, several interviews and payment of a rather high membership and annual membership.

Having gone through all the trouble of registration and yet still facing  such discrimination, I wouldn’t blame the three women, Rose Mambo, Caroline Ngugi and Martha Vincent for getting lawyer Philip Murgor to sue the club on their behalf. I wish them all the best .

As for the un-gentlemen who think so little of their mothers and sisters, you will definitely be swept aside by the wind of change because time and tide waits for no man.

 

 

 

Keeping the spirit of Christmas alive.

By Gloria Mwaniga.

 

Its already here.

If you love it as much as I do, then you are already experiencing the warmth, the magical love and need to be near family and friends.
You could also be experiencing the justifiable urge to go shopping. And it’s just the perfect excuse to decorate your house, repaint and even put pretty wallpaper.
Thank God Christmas comes every year!
And because it does, here are some traditions that will keep it as evergreen as the proverbial Christmas tree!

Put up a Christmas tree in your home.

Growing up in the nineties, my siblings and I always went tree hunting and came back home with a cypress tree that would be quickly decorated with xmas lights, cotton wool(to represent snow) a star at the top(it’s what led the wise men to the baby Jesus) and of course gifts at the bottom.
We would then switch off the light and giggle as we watched the changing colours of the Christmas tree and listen to dad’s stereo play Jim Reevesa Elvis, Bonny M and Dolly Parton Christmas carols as we waited amid grumbling stomachs for the chapattis mama was cooking to reach the table.
These days,you need not go tree hunting. Just for a few hundreds, you could go home with an artificial Christmas tree .

Sing Christmas carols.

Forget the orchestra.
A bunch of family and friends gathered in one place and singing along to the classic Christmas carols is the most heart warming choir you will ever heat.
Better still, old songs like ‘the first noel’ and ‘oh Christmas tree’ do bring out the festive mood.

Exchange gifts with friends and family.

Gifts might not be your love language according to Gary Chapman’s book ‘ The Five Love Languages., but truthfully, it is a language that all of us humans love and understand well.
Just the thought that someone went out of their way to look for something that would suite you and spent to get it for you reminds you that no matter how crazy your year has been there are those people who would go out of their way to make you happy .
This is heartwarming.
This tradition is a reminder of the gifts that the three wise men brought to the infant Jesus .

Giving money or Gifts to those in Need.

Jesus said ‘ you will always have the poor among you.’ This is true even today. No matter how hard you have been saving this year, it wouldn’t cost you so much to reach out to a needy family and help them enjoy the festivities too.
You could invite a lonely neighbor or kid over to join your Christmas lunch or dinner.
Visiting with the poor, sick and hungry will not only warm their hearts but your too.

Go to church on Christmas eve or Christmas day.

You can be sure of a few things.
Beautiful carols will be sung. A brief sermon preached on the birth and meaning of Christmas, and little kids will perform a skit on the birth of Christ. The choir will sound magical and the beautifully decorated church place will take your heart right into the meaning of Christmas.

Old Movies .

If you are into old movies like I am, then you have one more reason to enjoy the festivities.
Most TV stations do bring classical Christmas movies over this period. Alternatively, you could visit your local video library and borrow a number of them(the library guys definitely have a collection and they could even suggest some movies to you.)
Among my favorites are ‘Home Alone, Lost in New York.’ White Christmas and The Sound of Music.

 

Know Your Months : December..

By Gloria Mwaniga

 

December:

This is the last month of the old Roman year.

It is popularly known as the winter month or holy month because of the Christmas holiday that falls here.

Saints day:
December 25th : Christmas day.
December 29th: St. Thomas Day.
December 31st: New Years’ Eve.

Quote of the Month.

“Men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives.”

William Shakespeare quotes (English Dramatist, Playwright and Poet, 1564-1616)

A December Poem.

..Mottoes
Bounce buckram velvets dear,
Christmas comes buy once a year,
When it comes it brings good cheer.
And when it’s gone, it’s never near

OPPORTUNITY:CALLING ALL PHOTOGRAPHERS | PAINTERS | SCULPTORS | CARICUTURISTS | CARTONISTS AND SKETCH ARTISTS FOR THE SANAA BORA ART COMPETITION

CALLING ALL PHOTOGRAPHERS | PAINTERS | SCULPTORS | CARICUTURISTS | CARTONISTS AND SKETCH ARTISTS FOR THE SANAA BORA ART COMPETITION

The Kenya Bankers Association (KBA) has partnered with PAWA 254 to conduct an art competition entitled “Sanaa Bora Art Competition: Positive Transformation Through Banking”. The initiative will see the umbrella body of the country’s 43 commercial banks source mixed media pieces that will be showcased at the Association’s headquarter offices situated at the International House building, in Nairobi.

KBA approached renowned non-profit organisations to partner with, and narrowed down to PAWA 254. Through PAWA 254, KBA will implement the art competition that will target youth across the country, with an emphasis on drawing the best talent out of underprivileged communities.

The winning 15 pieces will be selected by a panel of judges while members of the public will have their say by voting via social media for the “People’s Choice” award winner. The overall winner will receive Ksh50,000.00 for first place, Ksh30,000.00 for second place and Ksh15,000.00 for third through 15^th place. The award categories are youth (13 years to 18 years), amateurs and professionals.

For more information, visit:

The competition website: www.sanaabora.kba.co.ke

Facebook page: www.facebook.com/SanaaBoraArtCompetition

Twitter Page: www.twitter.com/sanaabora

A Kenyan Mid-December Youthful Dream

By Gloria Mwaniga.

 

Adios 2012

Elvis Presley sang, ‘who can tell when summer turns to autumn’ and so it is with you. You didn’t even notice when Jan turned to June then July and now December.

Little ambers of hope are still aglow in that noble heart of yours.

These years’ resolutions only remain little stained ink drops on a white sheet of writing pad on the 2012 diary you bought at the catholic bookshop.

It’s rather true that things didn’t really work out that well. But ngoja tu! Next year, you’ll see.

2013 is the year.

 

It started with a New Years’ Resolution.

Just for the record, damn New Year resolutions.

They have never worked.

For one, you are still at your old job and every morning feels like a visit to the dentist.

Then, you had planned to save much much more this year. (After reading Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad, Poor Dad, but well, even he is bankrupt now right?)

Then there is your love life, you vowed that 2011 was the last Christmas you spent alone. That by 2012, you would have a permanent someone to watch, ‘White Christmas ’with. (And I do not mean your cat.)

 

Bonus Holiday Trouble.

So you decide to be optimistic about life. (Thanks to Joel Osteen’s CD).

And you focus on the good of the ending year; Like the Company bonus that you were promised at the beginning of the year.

And the company party. (For a little gossip on whom the new General Manager’s eyeing, and who’s dating the hot guy in HR.)

And you will remember to forget the holiday plans you had for Mombasa, and you will postpone that to next year….

And that is why when someone mentions how fast life is changing.

You speak up almost defiantly and say……

Everyday is just the same….same old, same old.  Nothing changes.

 

But you are forgetting something…..

You forget that you are not the same age you were last year this time.

That the passage of time has left a mark, albeit unseen, on your perspective of life.

That your naivety is dented and a couple of your dreams discarded to give way to the ones that are more ‘realistic’.

You refuse to notice that in November unlike August, the city streets outside the Hilton are carpeted with a beautiful purple, thanks to the jacaranda tree shedding its flowers. And the golden brown broad leafs falling on Mama Ngina street loudly whispering that its fall.

You refuse to admit that your bank account has grown, even so slightly, since the year began.

And you close your eyes to the fact that your fathers’ hair is a little whiter than it was last year.

 

Everyday is the same.

Sunrise, traffic jams, noisy touts, classic 105 then work.

Same job.  Same boss. Same salary.

January to December.

 

Yet 2012 is almost over.

Someone might have discovered 1001 ways to use peanut butter in the recent past, but you know that no matter how creative humanity has become, there are only so many ways you can use 25 leave days in a year.

And so you sit and wait…..

You wait for something big to happen.

You wait for that life changing phone call that will waltz you off your rather boring job and into a paradise with a loving boss that triples you salary.

You wait to win TPF from the comfort of your sitting room couch.

You wait to meet that superrich super fly guy so he can buy you a dream house in Lavington, or Thika greens. Or a piece of land in Ruai or kitengela and build rentals there

You wait for your savings to be enough to pay for you Masters at UON .

If you are a writer, you wait.

You wait for a letter from Dorcas Odumbe or a Caine prize nomination.

If you are a teacher, you wait for the next strike that will translate into a pay rise.

If you work for a corporate, you wait for the next paycheck, and the promotion that is long overdue.

If you are a youth’ you wait for the next government’ that will give jobs to the youth

If you are in university, you wait for a real job, after all who wants to volunteer and do anything for free?

You wait because you are a generation Y and you cannot settle for a ‘small’ salary because it cannot fit into your Big Kenyan Dream

 

You wait because Kenyan men are broke asses (at least the ones you know in Nairobi) or Lazybones (Coasterians) or Players (kisumerian) or Mushy and more loyal than little Chihuahuas (Kao’s).

 

If you are a Kenyan guy, you dream.

You dream of that one girl who is not materialistic like Madonna.( who lives in a material world.)

You dream of a boss who will one day ‘see your true potential’ and pay you what you deserve.

You Dream of Uganda’s bootylicious chics who serve you on their knees (literally).

Or the Rwandese softspoken submissive chics (Remember Gaelle?)

Because Kenyan girls are ‘too much’ . Shiko loves your wallet, Akinyis ‘raha and beer,’ Wekesa wants a brood of children and Mwende Is too…..well.. active huh?’

Mwanaisha is a lazy spender and Sanaipeis’ parents will want 50 cows (what the hell!!! kwani she’s a BMW?)

 

And so you stare at the green on the other side….unaware that it too could be a reflection of your Kenyan Mid December Dream!!!

 

The headless aftermath..

Gloria Mwaniga.

That golden moment,
When the magic lantern of my heart,
Illuminated my minds eye
And on you, it settled.
And my heart missed a beat.
I knew that I could take in,
anything ,
Even a broken heart,
Of a loveless future.
As long as I,
Got to spend,
A sacred hour,
Or a half
Lying in your tender arms,
My world would be,
Just perfect,
And I could face,
The headless aftermath,
With your bittersweet magical scent,
Lingering…..

Campus divas for rich men??? Have Kenyan University Girls lost it or are they just the local version of the Bold and the Beautiful?

 By  Gloria Mwaniga.

 

I get it, really.  The whole unemployment and underemployment thing going on in the world at large and Kenya in particular.

And yeah, every other business leader saying that the creatives are taking over the world. That risk taking is the new key to making it and dropping out of Harvard or whatever Ivy League University to start up your own venture could land you in the Forbes list of the richest men in the world, trust them!

The genesis

But wait a minute, you, just like Jesus, find yourself born to not-so-rich earthly parents.

If this happens in some first or second world country, then you might be lucky enough to get some food stumps and even an allowance from the government, plus you could get yourself into a shelter for the homeless.

 

But if you land in the deep green jungle from whence simba of Lion King originated, then you will find out that Hakuna matata (matara) is but just a phrase and that everyday, kuna matata.

 

Your parents (bless them) will probably work their heads off at some low paying government jobs or biashara to pay your way into a relatively expensive nursery  and primary school. Amidst the bowlfuls of uji and missing teeth, you will learn that

mikono yangu midogo we, haiwezi kufanya kazi,

 lakini kipenzi mama we, nitakuwa mkubwa, nitakusaidia we na wewe utapumzika (my little hands cannot work now, but dear mummy, I wil grow big, I will help you as you rest ).

 

And so, like every sane Kenyan, a hope will start budding in your heart. You will start looking at the future as being bright and you will read all the Malkiat Sign and Top Flyer Text books you can find. Your school motto will probably reinforce the futuristic hope by reading something like….’aim high now, for a future foundation’ or

‘ the roots of hardwork are bitter but the fruits are sweet.’

 

If you are a serious student, then You will get saved around about the time you sit your KCPE when some random preacher comes to your school for  a challenge weekend and promises favour on all God’s children. After the exams, you will spend the next few miserable months waiting for the minister of Education to announce the results.

Your parents, will probably be huddled together with you on there sofa, watching the news bylines and hoping that your ka-name or your ka-schools’ name will pop up.

 

High school will come, like an untimely frost in mid-summer (ShakespeareJ) and you will spend another four years of your life in an institution of academic excellence. Running so as to save academic time   and eating home-made foods at the academic square during visiting.

 

This, you will do whilst waiting for letters from the boys you met at an outing and frequently visiting the staffroom to be ‘mentored’ by  the new hot TP(teacher on practice) from KU (woe unto you if its mwalimu Andrew.)

 

By this time, it will have gotten clearer. The fact that you really are ‘weak’ in physics and math and hence, form three is welcome as you will drop all those boring subjects and pick histo CRE and Bio. Your engineering dreams are promptly discarded as you make up your mind to become an actress like Rita Dominic and Ramsey Noah (thanks to the Naija movies on TV or a Musician like P-Square (si they are famous mpaka they have sang with Rick Ross ) or our very own Camp Mulla_ #BET.

 

And so when you get the success cards from your rela’s telling you to succeed successfully and to pass with flying colors, all you which for is that KCSE you will manage a B steady of 65 marks so that you can become a Reg because your parents cannot afford to pay Para.

And therefore, when a letter from HELB comes, and you have been called to study BA Anthropology or Education, you march off to the institution of higher learning with two agendas;

To have a degree and to have some fun because finally, there is freedom from the parents.

In your naïve demeanor, you do not know that in most Kenyan Campuses, fun is congruent to lots of money, and sex and bottles of tusker and nightclubs. Before you know it, you are queen of the night, and having more sex than you would care to admit (sometimes you wonder what happened to you staying celibate till you say I do ). Then you meet all this graduates who were in your ‘campo” a couple of years back and yet they are still tarmacking with their degrees.

Or who are stuck in boring and very low paying jobs like sales and marketing or customer service in banks; as they await their lucky break.

So you conclude that only a fool doesn’t learn from the experience of others. And you begin to panga (plan) your future right away, however you can. Even if it means pausing naked on face book for a bunch of old men who do not even know how to log on to face book and who look up the word twitter in the oxford dictionary and find…chirping of birds.