Poem:Lost Identity

Written by Victorine Ndinda

There is a wide gaping hole in my heart

For the last 40 years

And it never fills.

I long to see

Just hear his laugh….

Does he look like me?

Laugh like me?

Talk like me?

Walk like me?

Smile like me?

My mother says I should watch my mouth

Learn to ask the right questions.

Important questions.

‘But mama isn’t this important’?

She gives me the same look she does every time I bring up this topic.

I have learnt to live with the fact

That I may never get to know him

And I don’t know who to blame.

I look at my young daughter

In 5 years she shall realise she is not normal

(like I did when in class three)

She shall wonder too

Does he look like me?

Laugh like me?

Talk like me?

Walk like me?

Smile like me?

Because I won’t tell her.

What will I tell her? My beautiful girl

That I had tried to abort her?

But failed

But now am happy, so happy that I have her?

I don’t know who her father is

They were so many; that night they raped me

I wanted so many things to be different

To have a complete family

Which I lacked when I was young

But who will want to marry me

Am not even ready for marriage

I don’t want any man to come near me; or inside me

And so my girl, when you shall know

The truth

Because you shall, we always do

You will know that I never


Wanted you to go through a life

Of lost identity

But I will help you

I shall help you. So help me Lord

Because I know

What it feels

To have a lost identity


Author: Faith Oneya

Lover of the written and spoken word.

4 thoughts on “Poem:Lost Identity”

  1. Very deep words there. A reflection of single motherhood and the challenges single parents face to explain to their children the whereabouts of their other parent, in this case referring to the mothers. Quite some experience from the persona of growing up without a family only for her daughter to end up the same way.

    The family institution is certainly under a threat in modern day society. Parents, and especially mothers, are having to bare with the weight of nurturing their children in the absence of their partners.

    I love this piece for the depth of reflection it brings to the mind.

    1. Thank you for understanging deeply the message am trying to pass through this poem. For me,its mission accomplished.

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