Written by Faith Oneya
Someone should tell Mheshimiwa that his fly is open. This is a delicate task. You do not want to tell him in a manner that will embarrass him, but also you do not want to be the person that knew and did not tell him.
Big men like this, powerful men, why can they not remember such a basic task? It is easy. You go to the toilet (or any other business that may require the act of fly-opening), you do your business, you shake, put the snake back in, and then you zip up!
Perhaps I should ask Selina to tell him. Selina is the one seated in the Youth Wing corner pretending she has not slept with Mheshimiwa. She is one of those campus- type of girls , you know them – those girls with unnecessary long hair extensions, cheap make-up, even cheaper perfume with shoes so high they look like damn Kangaroos while walking in them and high pitched giggles. If you see one of those just know they are from campus, it is this one right in the middle of Nairobi city. Mentioning names will land me in trouble.
Apparently Selina is a youth leader. Hah! When you see the horny males she is leading then you will understand what ‘Hah’ means.
Anyway, someone should tell Mheshimiwa that his fly is open. You can see clearly that the underwear he is wearing is not cotton. Nylon is what he is wearing. What? A six figure salary, no taxes and he cannot afford cotton underwear? You can also see that he is slightly aroused. Perhaps he is aroused by the youthful crowd in campus that that is hanging to his every word .
He clears his throat and places his hand momentarily on his crotch; Selina looks at his crotch, then at me. Has he noticed that his fly is open? It could save us both a hell lot of trouble. Turns out he was just trying to tame his arousal.
He clears his throat again. Perhaps he needs a glass of water. I take him one. He shoos me away. Like the way you chase away an annoying cat or bird. Imagine that. I could have whispered to him that his fly is open, but knowing Mheshimiwa, he would probably have said into the microphone,
“What did you say?”
And I would have been too embarrassed to repeat it.
The audience seems entirely captivated. He is babbling something about some government initiative to distribute mosquito nets and some other things about the youth fund from the government. Someone shoots up their hand with a question; Mheshimiwa ignores the hand, then turns and winks at me as if we have a secret joke. We do not have a secret joke!
He had been allocated twenty minutes for his speech plus the question and answer session. He awards himself with an extra hour.
It is now time for lunch; we sit at the same table – Him, me, Selina.
He asks: “Did you see how responsive the crowd was to my speech?”
I tell him: “They were responding to the spectacle of your crotch.”
He looks at Selina: “Is this true, Selina?”
Selina says: “Yes”
He laughs loudly. His shoulders and belly shake in mirth.
He says: “You young people and your jokes.”
He slaps me on my back I almost choke my food.
- Why publishing is still surviving!! (treebeard31.wordpress.com)
- Is That What I Think It Is? (designbylulu.wordpress.com)
- Travis Barker Opens Up About Fatal Plane Crash, Fear of Flying (perezhilton.com)
- Ogilvy not flying Open white flag yet (bigpondnews.com)
- Your Fly Can’t Be Opened – Open Zipper Alarm (asiajin.com)
- My leadership will unlock country’s economic potential, says Kenneth (nation.co.ke)
- If There Was Ever a Smarter Way to Hide Booze in Your Crotch, This Might Be It (gizmodo.co.uk)
- Flying Dragons Martial Arts Opening (insidehalton.com)
- Ogilvy not flying Open white flag yet (news.smh.com.au)
- Flying Chicken opens in downtown Troy (timesunion.com)