watchmen – Literary Chronicles

Written by Mukorino Precious

Let us imagine you have recently fallen victim to the charms of a bad boy-a regular one at that. And yes you have questioned yourself about it-no, you never thought anything was the matter with you-you are, after all, an intelligent, beautiful African woman –he should have felt lucky to have you by his side-You will probably nod to each point hereafter…

Confidence
Dick, not his real name (ahem) is the epitome of charm and confidence-confidence that in fact borders on arrogance. And am not saying-“Look out for confident men!”-no! Because the player’s confidence is one of its kind. He’s suave, conceited, haughty, but charming at the same time, effectively ensuring that you are swept away completely and only notice the charm and confidence that oozes out of him.

Romance
He will be the Kenyan version of Carlos Alberto Alejandro (ama who’s the hottest dude in the soaps right now?) He will open car doors for you and constantly ask if you’re comfortable. He will drop you home every night then call to say he has reached home safely-he will charm the socks off your friends and even tip the waiters and watchmen just to top it all off.

He will whisper things like –“I have only known you for a short while yet I feel like I have known you all my life.”

He will also text you every day and calls you often, just to make sure that you never forget his face.

He will add heavier meanings to names like sweetie, my dear, just by the tone of his voice…

The horns begin to show…
This is around the third month or so of what was supposedly a relationship… (But suddenly, you realize that you have probably just seen him six times in three whole months!) when you sit down with your faithful but brutally honest girlfriend to analyze the “Dick situation”- and your friend lays it down for you by asking a few candid questions like;
· Why does Dick (the) calls only once a week? Kwani the rest of the days who does he call?
· Why does The Dick not ask about you, your dreams and passions, your family?
· How come you are always meeting at rave joints-why don’t you do coffee or tea or even supper at his digs or something?

Meet my ex-girlfriend…
On the day that you meet his long term girlfriend at a bar in town (Who will come say hi and then go away to start bitching about you to her gals because she’s too gutless to confront him), he will introduce her as his ex. Dick (the) will claim the poor gal still has the hots for him, as you nod in understanding because this man is hot enough to elicit hot feelings. He even gets away with it , but not if you bump into the ex in tao one day by sheer luck/ fate/whuteva and the conversation goes something like;
Ex-G: So How do you jua The Dick-he your boyfriend?
You: The Dick? No, he’s just a guy am seeing. My cousin introduced us.
Ex-G: Funny you said that, because he is my boyfriend, has been for two years. I am in love with him-what will you do now?
You will then take a few minutes to absorb the current shocking news –as you watch the heartbroken gal tell you that this was not the first time she had busted him but that-“I just love him so much, I can’t help myself”

– The Ex-G is the woman that gives bad boys their name!

Back to my ranting and raving. Who comes up with these labels anyway? Labels that make men stick out their chests yet they were probably just caught at the wrong place and time with their pants down and then some imprudent fool came up with the nonsensical title.